Is Your Inner Perfectionist Actually Helping You?
I had a client who was insistent that her perfectionism was an ally—a motivator, driving her to do better.
Instead of trying to convince her otherwise, we got curious and explored that idea together: What is an ally? What does an ally do?
She paused for a moment, then said, “An ally is someone who helps you. Encourages you. Is honest with you, but wants you to succeed.”
Exactly. An ally helps you show up at your best.
Then I asked: “What does your perfectionism do?”
At first, she gave the familiar answer—it helped her do better. But as we dug deeper, something shifted. She began to describe what it actually felt like when perfectionism took over:
The constant self-doubt. The pressure. The paralysis.
The feeling that no matter how hard she worked, it was never quite enough.
She realized: When perfectionism is in control, it doesn’t feel like help—it feels like judgment.
Perfectionism tells us we’re never ready, so we stay hidden.
It insists on impossible standards, so we never feel finished.
It steals the joy of accomplishment and replaces it with anxiety, second-guessing, and burnout.
Sure, our inner perfectionist is trying to protect us—keeping us from making mistakes, looking silly, or feeling vulnerable. But it comes at a cost.
It also keeps us from growing, learning, experimenting, and expressing ourselves.
And it deprives the world of our ideas, our creativity, our voice.
When my client thought about what it really felt like to have a true all - someone encouraging and honest, someone who believed in her she felt a wave of energy. Hope. Possibility.
With an ally, her goal didn’t feel unreachable anymore. It felt doable.
That shift opened the door to something new. She started to see how perfectionism had been holding her back—and how she could begin to step out of the loop.
Together, we came up with tools to help her take back the reins.
And the mantra she kept returning to was this:
Progress, not perfection.
Because progress means momentum. Growth. Self-trust.
And that’s what an ally makes possible.
If your inner perfectionist is calling the shots—and you’re ready to find a new way forward—I’d love to help.
Let’s stop letting perfectionism lead, shift your mindset, and get you moving — all in 30 minutes.
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